moving over

here: http://ilnisa.wordpress.com

new site! new move!

i'm scared! :-)

anx, anxiety, wur-e, worry

it can't be as normal as it sometimes feels to me, to worry this much. and it really doesn't happen all of the time. honestly, but when i'm tired, have lots on my plate, it seems to surface the most. other times, its like the worry-ness is just their below the surface, like bubbles, but i can surpress them enough-either with work, school, family-that they don't really bother me.

but tonight i'm just feeling kind of wee and worried
worried bout old stuff,
worried bout new stuff,
worried bout stuff in between

i'm trying as best as i can to keep my composure.

bare with the vid pick please...it doesn't stay all static-like...and hopefully I won't either...

To be young...Gifted...and black....

means u don't:

don't floss, money looks better when it's invinsible" - Dj
Quik

remembering pencil shavings

I am struggling to remember something good today. Its hard. I've got back/side pain, books to read that I have 0 interest in, folks who I feel are slighting/ignoring me in the public sphere, and I really want to go home because its going to be like 66 there this weekend... and i just watched a couple pack up there car with suitcases and snacks....and lets just say i'm tempte to wake DH up and make him to the same....but i digress....

struggling to remember....we're cleaning up our spare bedroom/office/gym to try to make better use of the space. i decided it was time to clean the pencil sharper. i opened it and started dumping the shavings out into a trashbag. the smell took me back to elementary school. i remember loving to be the one who emptied the old mechanical pencil sharpeners...and looking back on it I think, i'm pretty sure, it was because of the smell. pencil shavings smell like fresh penicls, this mix of wood, and lead, and they make me feel productive. If your using your pencil a lot, you have to sharpen it, more work, more shavings.

what came first?

As you can tell ye ole internet and any other readers whose attention I may have grabbed...

I'm having trouble with motivation. And it just dawned on me tonight that I don't know where this came from exactly, but I've got some ideas. Its lonely where I am, I've got DH and babe, but we don't really have anyone outside of ourselves here. I go to work. I come home. I do home things (which I enjoy the most). I follow our routine. I go back out and do it again. On the weekend, with the very limited monies and no real activities around us (not such a warm friendly space) we tend to stay in. This means I feel compelled to work and often babe and DH are just as frustrated as I am with this.

We are bored up here. I am having a hard time staying focused.

I am scared....

somewhat work related

i'm hoping that good research and projects can come out of being pissed off and uncomfortable. because thats how i'm feeling....and i'm trying to keep my eyes open because i suspet there might just be something to all this bs that i can learn from....and maybe use to teach others?

Reflection Friday and No Complaining Saturday

...so...because I missed my post yesterday and because i'm sick of hearing myself complain....you get a story....

saturday nights in my house when i was a kid were most often spent looking at showtime at the apollo from 1130-1230 and then whatever was left of saturday night live after that. i remember watching the apollo back when i was way young...and its a tradition that continued up through college (or at least until i had a curfew that allowed for me to be out until past midnight, which was when i got married, yes i know). but anyways....when i was little, my dad would be up watching apollo and frying his chicken..humming along to whatever the talent was trying to sing. as i got older, i'd watch and wonder what it was like to live in NY, a place that seemed to start all of the coolest trends, and styles. then once DH and I were dating, we'd sip koolaid in my folks kitchen and watch, because remember i had to be home by midnight.