I am learning so much about myself, but its a son-of-a-gun that it takes hard/difficult/challenging times in order for me to do this learning. I always want to do it the easy way, like, can't I read a book or take a class on it, or something?
I've had a most difficult time readjusting myself to the fact that everything and everybody does not work on my schedule. I know, I know, this lesson will be best learned when the baby gets here and begins to rule the roost with an Iron fist. I don't know where this need to control and plan comes from in me, but its something that I battle constantly.
I think that is one of the reasons I'm afraid of labor, because I know that I won't be in control- not the I that I'm so accustomed to. The I that will be in control will be a primordial I, my body, that will instinctively know what to do (or so I've been told). But how do I know that I can trust that I? A few weeks ago, I wrote about how my dad said that I lack grounding, or how the only things I've ever really been grounded in are my husband and my education. That is so true. How do I ground myself in both I and I?
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semi related
I Against I is an alternative rock album by Bad Brains, released in 1986 as SST Records number 65. Widely regarded as the highest-quality album in Bad Brains' catalogue, I Against I is a critically praised album of American punk rock mixed with Jamaican reggae music. Both genres have frequently socially aware lyrics, and I Against I continues that tradition with diatribes against violence and other social evils.
The title I Against I presumably refers to a common Rastafarian phrase, I and I, which is used in place of the first-person plural (e.g. we) in order to signify the union of the speaker, audience and Jah (God) in love and peace.
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