Thursday, January 26, 2006

No Complaints allowed

Being pregnant has taught me one clear thing about myself: at times I'm a very self-centered/focused individual. Now, this does not have to be a bad thing, it can in fact aid in one's own protection. My dad once pointed to our front door and told me, "Once you leave this house, on any given day, there are numerous people out there who are out to get you." Whenever he said that (which was often) I would always envision someone in a long trench coat, a Fedora, and dark shades standing on the corner trying to lure me into a dark alley. But as I got older, I understood a bit more about what he meant and I think I did develop a real 'tough girl' attitude, so much so, that at times it bordered or being both paranoid and selfish.

Sharing my body for six months now with someone I know, but don't know, has taught me to let go of some of myself and allow someone else to delegate and be in control. The larger Cucumber gets, the more I'm aware that I can't control everything about myself. Getting up 3-4x during the night, having to take vitamins the size of my pinky finger, drinking milk, eating (gasp) meat, (and enjoying it, gasp), having to sleep on one side, not being able to just run or jump up in the mornings. These are just small things that I've noticed, but they prepare you for something that is much larger than yourself.

In our yoga practices we are always encouraged to dedicate our practice to something that is much larger than ourselves, to take us outside of 'us/me' and to join with 'we/you' its something that I have to try to remember daily.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think this is an important post because it touches on more self-awareness for you but have you ever been able to jump up in the morning and get a move on?

Ilnizzzah said...

ok, i'll admit i've never been one to jump up in the morning and get a move on as you say mr. anon. lol
BUT, nah, well, no buts no cuts, no coconuts, i'm not even gonna try and defend myself.

-will that count as more self-awareness too? the ability to know when to stop a post and not be defensive or try to conjure up an excuse? lol