Step One

I've realized from looking at some of my old posts that I have been stuck for quite some time. And I'm not making any promises here, but I've got a long way to go and I know that I'll probably slide back a few times, but I've got to try harder than I'm doing now.

Tree of Knowledge suggests learning to let go and she's right. I can't keep thinking that I'm gonna be able to do everything. That was one of the problems I had right after babe was born. I kept thinking that I should be able to be the same person I was before babe. What does that mean? That person stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning, making lecture notes, reading comp theory, Kennth Burke, grading papers, making 'fun' games, and watching alien abduction shows. A really dear professor told me that one of the worse things I was doing to myself was trying to hold on to that old person and not allowing this new person to take over. I can't stay up and do that anymore, that doesn't mean that I can't still go back to school or be a good teacher or writer or researcher, but it just means I've got to do things differently now. Maybe, just maybe I can be better organized now, because babe has forced me to be organized, in her own little disorganized way.

So, I once had another professor who kinda went crazy, but was actually always really good to me and DH, tell me once that the most difficult thing is deciding what you want to do. After that, all you have to do is to make a plan and then put everything in action. So, thats what I'm working on now, deciding what I want to do. I've got some ideas...but for those of you who know me so well, I'd like to hear what you think.

1. Stay where I'm at (location wise) for the next year or two. Babe needs stability and I do too with babe. Plus, we've put too much time and effort into county house to just abandon it. I feel like I can be nutured in this environment and thats what I need before I launch into a doctoral program.

2. Take a class in the Spring. I need to just get back into the 'practice' of writing and I'm lucky that there just happens to be a wonderful class being offerred in the Spring that I can take.

3. Create a good teaching portfolio. I need one regardless for grad school or for Instructor-ship positions.

4. Make a new CV. I never really made one in the first place. Any good suggestions of format?

5. Try to write for a conference paper call, or submit to a journal. And I mean really doing it, not just saying that I am and then not following through with the work.

6. Figure out why and how I teach. I need a teaching philosophy that states more than, "I use a collaborative rhetorical process approach."

7. Do some volunteer work again, I need to step outside of myself.

8. Start to think about what I really want to study and write about for 5 years of my life.

9. Keep blogging. This is about the only writing I do on a regular basis and it helps. A lot.

10. Wait to begin numbers 1-8 until I'm settled into county house. Its hard to work when you are living out of one room.