rent-a-Negro

I saw this author, damali ayo, read from her book How To Rent a Negro on CSPAN this weekend. I have to admit, at first I didn't get it, but after looking over the website, this is just hilarious.

If you got to the website there is an actual order form so that you can rent your own negro. She even lists all the different events and uses for your rental negro. My personal favorite is the Informational rent-a-negro section:

"Informational "I want to know more about being black, so do my friends and colleagues. It always seems like I say the wrong things when I meet black people. I just want to learn, help!"

I went to a predominately white high school and always felt like I had to be what I call la voce de los Negroes de world, or the voice for all the black folk in the world. (Pardon my chopped language skills) I remember whenever anything happened to a black person people would turn to me in class and say things like, "Do you feel the same?" "I'm sorry about slavery, this makes me sad!" or "Did you know him/her?" That last comment was the most priceless one.

In my senior year I took AP government and some Black government official (don't remember who) died. During class the teacher announced it and then turned to me and personally apologized. I was like, "um, okay, but I didn't know this person." And she goes, "oh, but what a loss for your people." Just priceless.

A lot of times though people had a hard time with me in high school. They couldn't understand how I can tote Malcolm X's autobiography in one hand and rock out to Dave Matthew Band all at the same time. I love dichotomies. I think that it was because I went to a predominately White school that I became a strong person and learned a lot about race issues. For the most part there were no horrible events or name-calling situations, but there were tense moments, like the year during Black History month when I wanted all the Black folks to come to school wearing dark shades and black berets, but other than that things were pretty smooth.

Then, came college. I went from a very small private Catholic High School to a large state University. Diversity was er-where. And in a good way, but it did make me question myself a lot more. All of a sudden I saw all kinds of brown folks from all over, and I didn't quite know how I fit in. My experience of being Black in America was vastly different from some of the other people I met. While I felt like I had good practice in explaining Black things to non-Black people, I also realized that there were lots of Black things/experiences I hadn't had and that there was no ONE Black experience.

Things changed even more when in my sophomore year I met my husband. I never had an issue with dating people from various backgrounds, but I'd also not dated a whole lot either. DH is White and when we first started talking I was just happy to have someone to talk to who wasn't trying to jump in my pants after the first week. We talked and talked and talked and I was amazed that I didn't have to explain "Black stuff" to him, we connected on a level that I'd never connected w/ anyone one before in my life. My family loved him, especially my granny who always told me that a man should be a couple of years older and a couple of inches taller (he satisfied both requirements nicely). Never once did my family talk about his white-ness, it just was not an issue.

After we'd been going out for a couple of months and talking on a pretty regular basis DH confided in me that his family was a bit bothered my brownness. At first I didn't sweat it, I'd had friends in high school who had parents/grandparents like that and for the most part, they were nice (fake) when I met them and that was it. Well, we weren't planning on getting married or anything (lol) at the time, so I didn't think too much of it. Then, it became a problem. We'd have to do two birthday parties (I couldn't come to his) and split Christmas (he'd be w/ his folks and then come over to be with mine). Sometimes it would make me so angry, especially b/cs of the fact that these people knew NOTHING about me. NOTHING. Except that I was brown and a woman, so who knows, they prolly thought I was a jezabel.

Once or twice I would randomly met them, they'd stop by his house and I'd be there, or we'd 'happen' upon them and I never felt so ignored in all my life. I mean I felt like I was invisible. Invisible, like my skin, my bones, my eyes, my soul did not exist in front of them. Once, we were at the mall and saw one of his cousins. The cousin came up to DH and started to talk, I turned around the corner, the cousin saw me and RAN out of the store, never looking back. Guess that's what a spook does.

But time went on and we were serious and the love I had (and have) for him outweighed the ignorance. So we started planning a wedding. Not knowing who would come or what it would become, we didn't know if there would be a royal rumble or the celebration we truly wanted. Eventually, magically almost, and I mean wand-magic style, DH's family came around (well, some of them) and they started to participate in the planning events for the wedding. At times this was a bit awkward because it was like first they were off, then they were on and no one ever mentioned the off period. Ever.

So now, with a baby on the way, I think about all this again. Especially because now I feel motherly instincts kicking in and I don't want anyone to say or do anything to my child or else I'll have to pull out my Crouching Tiger techniques. But I wonder, I just wonder what this child will face and have to deal with. I know that at home, in my house there will be nothing but love and constant reassurance that you are a HUMAN first, and the other stuff people may use to define you but you don't have to buy into that. Is it possible to do that, or is this wishful thinking?