Dadspeak

For years my brother and I swore our dad spoke a different language. We call it dadspeak. Some of what he says his totally inaudible-this happens when he gets really excited or worked up-and some of what he says is just a unique mixture of words and phrases that mean something to him and often nothing to the rest of us because we can't translate.
Up until a couple of years ago, I never bothered to even attempt a translation, I've translated Italian, Spanish, and some dialects of English, but never dadspeak. Then I decided I wanted to start telling stories, or writing stories, no scratch that telling stories and then hoping I'd start to write them somewhere, someday, about my dad. So, I started keeping notes about things he'd say. This weekend was priceless, got some good material:

Dadspeak: "If you gon' be holy, be holy, if you gon' be sin-boli, be sin-boli."
Translation: "You can't serve two gods."

Dadspeak: "Prepare for War in a time of Peace."
Translation: "You have to anticipate that at any given moment, the entire world is out to get you. Be paranoid, be very paranoid, and always plan accordingly.