...don't wanna be no where but here....

The title comes from a Mos Def song... don't know why but here lately I've had the most random songs in my head, for no apparent reason.

This weekend was weird, it seemed like it was gonna start okie, but then after a series of icky events on Thursday, then an upset tummy that caused me to go to the doctor on Friday (baby is fine, just had a touch of the old stomach bug), and the fact that I could not sleep well at all because of horrific heartburn, it was just kinda nay-pooh. I didn't accomplish much of anything, did get to spend time with my family which was nice, but did nothing around the house, no writing, no reading, just griping (both verbally and physically- my belly).

Sunday, H and I were able to finally figure some things out, or so we hope. I'm actually not even gonna say we figured anything out, from now on I'm gonna call any plans for the future sketching. Sketching is different from actually drawing plans. When you draw plans, it sounds like you use a hard pencil with thick lead, if you erase anything, the picture gets smudges or smears all over it. Sketching is just a bunch of light lines, its the way you hope your picture will look, but you realize that between the time you conceptulize it in your head, get it to paper, and then show it to others, there are some lines that might have to change. So anyways, we sketched what we'd like to do once Cucumber is born, and while I wasn't immediatley pleased, lets just say its far better than having to think about day cares or babysitters, or any body we don't know or don't trust taking care of her. My family is all gonna pitch in and try to help, so that I can work outside the house (!) after she is born and so we won't end up living in a cardboard box. I've got some other sketches that I need to make, but it made me feel like I could stop holding my breathe for a little while, just knowing that there will be plenty of folks around who want to take care of her, and who want to help take care of us.

I'm hoping for a much more productive week than I've had the past couple of weeks. I also realized (with the help of H) that I spend far too much time lamenting and complaining about things that I have NO control over. And therefore, what happens is that I waste time and energy on those things and don't dedicate myself to the things that I can control.

Now, how do I get myself to remember that?