How can you make a living doing the thing you love the most, but fear the most?
I've been teaching now for 3 years (sometimes paid, sometimes not paid) at different types of learning institutions. I've taught composition, literature, 'developmental' writing, and taught various levels of ESL. I love teaching. I love the interaction, the learning, and the sharing that goes on in the classroom. But what I'm learning now, is that the politics involved are spooky. I'm not a good politikal (said in my southern drawl) person and I worry about that. I worry about tenure, reviews, publishing, coming up with some snazzy new theory regarding new media and rhetoric, actually writing something that DOES get published and doesn't just sit in my head or on my shelf (i.e. my thesis). I worry, and I worry, and I worry some more.
Do I want to be an ad-junc-t (all day juggling underpaid no clout tatall) for the rest of my life? NO
Do I want to learn more about rhetorical studies and media?
YES
Do I want to worry about whether or not I'll make publishing deadlines for tenure?
NO
Do I want to have job security in a job I love?
YES
Why do I even bother worrying about stuff thats not even here yet? I've got a year before I go to school and I think I'm a bit afraid. Afraid I won't be able to balance work, writing, a family, and myself.
Today is one of those days where I wish I could force myself to write. Force myself to meet deadlines for CFPs. Where I wish I could have been hired as an instructor so I could still do what I love and actually get paid a decent amount of money to do it.
I should have been an engineer.
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4 comments:
I know who you are!! =)
I'm glad somebody does.
:-)
Yeah--there are people in my program publishing and going to conferences and I'm just like....oh, gotta get on that. Gah! Publish or perish. Who's lame idea was that? Hmmm....unless blogging counts. If that counts, we're good. LOL
are there many people who have already published? that scares me.
:-0
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