Emancipation

My brother and I were both having a rough day yesterday and so as we lamented about our lives, I think we came to a new revelation for the both of us.

Sometimes you got to get really down before you can really get up.

News Flash***I know that most people would say, "Duh, who doesn't know this!" or as my family likes to say, "Quit complaining and do something already!" or as my Dear husband says, "You are just figuring this out, and you are how old?"

Well yes, I am just figuring it out, and I am 27 years old. Thank you very much. But for almost the past year I've been on a roller coaster ride, school, work, family, illness, moving, not moving, pregnancy, the list goes on. This morning as I rolled myself off the side of the bed and felt extremely tired, even though I'd gone to bed early, I started thinking about all the things that I've experienced this past year, not just physically from the pregnancy, but emotionally as well. And its no wonder I feel tired. Not only is my body working around the clock to sustain my life and the baby's; but my head has been working around the clock as well, to try as hard as it possibly can to make sense out of everything that has happened. And it can't. I don't know everything has been woven together to meet at this point. But it has, and even though I don't understand why, and even though I'm broke, and afraid, and scared, and anxious. I'm also starting to feel excited and happy. Out of all of this chaos, I want to emancipate myself from the anxiousness that used to rule my life, from my dire need to feel important to outside people, from my thinking that if I don't have a house, 2.5 kids and a SUV I'm not making it. Because the truth is, I have thought that way, in the past.
All bull shit aside, as much as I once thought I knew myself and had it together, I didn't have a clue. It takes changes and movement to really learn who you are and where you are going.
At some points, and I think this blog reflects some of those moments, I've felt so low and crestfallen, and I'm sure to have many more days like that too, but I also want to feel new again.
Me again.