I blog because

i don't have anything to say. To anybody at anytime.

How do you know when you need to switch gears? How do you know when no matter how hard you try, something is not worth it, or not necessarily not worth it, but just not for you?

I gave my official notice of not going back to school in the Fall and it was much harder than I expected. Initially, I felt relieved. Finaly, I'd wrestled with everythign and a decision had been made. Then I felt hopeful, I'll send the email, but something else will work out. Then I felt despair, the email has been sent, the pen lifted on that chapter and its gone.

Trying to reapply again for the future feels like it just can't happen. There would be tests to take, apps to redo, references to try and solidify again, and the need to write or do something. At this point, the most academic thing I've done in the past year has been to read academic related blogs by real academics.

I'm just tired. I don't want to think of myself as a quitter, but I've got a baby on the way and maybe I just need to reshape/rethink my focus, because this shish ain't working.

I don't feel like writing when I get home, I'm not forced to write at work, but my work is not creative in nature and I just feel zapped and fried by the time I get home. Once I'm home, all I want to do really is to crawl in my bed and read (non-academic minded books mind you) or watch TV. I've watched more TV in the past six months than I have in the past six years.

My mind is mushy. And I don't think its just the hormones.

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