I'm feeling like I need to wear a mask. I'm hiding.
From myself.
I'm feeling lazy and downtrodden and just sick of it. I want to be in my house. I want my clothes to be clean and straight. I want to be able to eat when I'm hungry and fix good meals. I want to be able to read again, to write again, I want to be hungry again, not for food but for knowledge of self.
I used to know what I wanted, and when I'd figure out something I'd work for it. But this year, I've had so many obstacles and distractions that I've let myself go.
I can't do this shit no more. I write and complain so much and feel like an idiot when I go back and read what I've written, because the power is in my hands. I have the ability to choose and work towards whatever my goal is. But I'm lazy about it, I'll be honest, its me.
So that's why I'm wearing this mask, because now I've got to decide who this person is underneath and what she's done to herself, is doing, and where she's gonna go next.
1 comment:
While napping doesn't get the shit done, it does help. So does ice cream...ummmm yummy yummy ice cream.
You have to let some things go. For instance, I've let go of doing dishes and trying to make my lunch. Dishes get done when I need a pot or Husband has some free time. I was going to try to save money and eat healthy for lunch by making my own every day, but I don't have time. Everyone lunch I make is one paper I could have graded. So I buy lunch. It's more money than I want to spend, but this is why I took out a loan.
Once you can figure out what to let slide, let it slide and don't look back.
Did you ever read Mommy Myth? I'm just wondering what you thought if you did (you know, in your spare time :) ).
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