These boots were made for talking.

Here lately the babe has been using her words. Or I guess I should rephrase that and say that she talks with her own babe language but for the past week I feel like she's been on the verge of using words that we readily recognize as being a part of the English language . When we pick up keys she'll say "kee" but this is confusing because she also says "kee" when she sees that cats running around. There has been some debate over whether or not she is in fact saying "kee" for the kitty or if the "kee" is supposed to be more of a "gee" because sometimes we say "get" to shoo the cats away if they are being naughty or if there are tons of cats around the yard that don't belong to us. She says dada but not always for DH, just sometimes randomly. We think she said mama (once on mother's day, DH swears she did, but she never did again). And this weekend when she stayed with my mom, she swore that she started to say "bye bye" even though she's not uttered it again.

At any rate, I know when she is communicating with me, I can totally read her verbal (cries, laughs, sighs) and non-verbals (shaking her head, pulling my arms to pick her up, rubbing her eyes, lifting up my shirt--oh yeah, today she tried that one in the optometrist office). But when she's ready to talk, we can't wait to listen.

And these happen to be a babe's favorite shoes at the moment.

Things would be so much easier if:

1. I was organized.
2. I could buy lots of organizational things from Ikea.
3. I lived in the city.
4. I had a part-time secure job teaching and writing.
5. DH had a job that was semi-good to him (not too good, because its fun to complain sometimes).
6. Our debts were paid off.
7. I could cook really yummy vegetarian and vegan meals.
8. I actually took time to exercise every day.
9. I did not spend money everytime I left the house.
10. I did not feel like I always have to leave said house.
11. I did not buy pre-cooked meals all the time.
12. I did not always change my mind a zillion times before returning to the orginal idea.
13. I didn't worry so much over everything.
14. I did not have to depend so much on others for help.
15. I did not read other mommy blogs and compare myself to other moms.*
16. I could go Island hopping like Tree (if it weren't for the fear of flying and boats, birds, random bugs, etc...)
17. It weren't so damn humid.
18. I quit procrastinating by making lists and trying to be pseudo-organized.


*Ironicaly, I don't ever compare Babe to other babies, I think that's because she is just awesome and I know it.

An evening con Babe

We got our babe this afternoon and didn't realize how much we'd missed her until we walked into my parents' house and saw her snuggled on a blanket in the middle of the living room floor. Since we've all been home this evening we played with Dora, ate mac -n-cheese, drank apple juice, and watched dad almost fry off his hand.

It has been storming kinda bad, we turned off the lights and were just sitting around in the family room. DH went to the kitchen sink and was trying to move a knife from the cutting board to the sink, which had water. He went and put the knife down and boom (well, there was no sign, just a flash of blue, when the knife touched the water and the lightening must have struck somewhere near the house....I don't know all the sciences on this but if anyone does..we'd like to know what happened. Thankfully, DH is okie.

An evening sans Babe

Babe is spending the night with her grandparents. I miss her horrible, so does DH. This is what we've done:

laundry,
paid bills,
discussed bills, money,
read blogs,
watched a movie,
dishes,
cleaning,
realized how boring we are without Babe. Is this what we were like before? My apologies to our friends and family. Babe makes us cool.

Lost Touch

Tonight, just now actually, I was trying to blog with a babe on my lap. This doesn't work so well anymore because now that babe is totally mobile she ends up typing on the keyboard or grabbing the mouse or getting out of my lap and trying to play with the cords for the laptop. So, I asked DH if he would take a babe and go pick out some pjs for bed so that I could finish my post. That's when DH said I'd lost touch. And so I stopped to think about this. Have I lost touch? And if so with what? Blogging is usually my way of winding down from the day and trying to get my thoughts together. I try to use this time to just think about what's been on my mind or what others are thinking about via their blogs. In some ways its kinda like 'talking' to others, though I rarely have time to post comments to others' blogs though I do read many. I do that because I do feel like I've lost touch in a lot of ways. After we had babe and I decided to quit working outside of the home there was a lot that I didn't realize I would miss, like conversations at lunch or reading a newspaper daily, or learning something new at work. Now, in no way would I want to trade those things for what I got in return: a soft babe, daily Elmo time, breast-feeding (my boobs actually grew!), and being able to say that I was there for the first...tooth, steps, word, turning over, etc.
But, as I told my cousin at lunch the other week, you also don't realize that when you become a mom, it is oh so very easy to loose yourself. Because those first few weeks, hell months, are so intense, you forget things like washing your hair on a regular basis, or the fact that you actually used to wear perfume and clothes that weren't just wash and ware (or ware and ware). You also forget that you liked books that were not made of cardboard and food that required more cooking and did not taste like cardboard. But as your babe grows and you find your rhythm as a parent you start to remember those things. I think I remember the first time I finished a book post-partum, or rather the first non-babe book I read. A part of me felt guilty, like all of my waking time and energy should be devoted only to reading and further my babe education. If I wasn't doing laundry or scrubbing the floor, or trying to go out shopping before her nap was over then I should be. But you soon learn that if you don't give yourself time to take a shower, or read a book, or eat a good lunch, you burn out quickly and you do loose touch with yourself and others. I canceled lunches, forgot to return phone calls, and tried to avoid folks because I felt like I should only be doing things related to babe. But I learned my lesson. You do have to remember who you were before the babe and while you are different in some ways, you need to honor and remember what made you YOU in the first place. So yes, I have lost touch, in many ways but I'm reaching out again.

He's a Dog

I guess I should preface this by saying that I do believe people are innocent until proven guitly. But, Mike Vick, if what they say about what he did to those dogs, or allowed to be done, is an animal. No, actually, he's not an animal. I don't know what word I'd used to describe him, because to my knowledge animals don't exploit or participate in activities to harm others, not in this way.

In a New York Times article from today, they said that investigators found graves on his kennal property.

He's in Richmond today for his first court appearance, it'll be intereting to see how this unfolds.

10 hours

That's how long I slept last night. I haven't done that in I know, well over a year. But a babe didn't take a nap yesterday and was so tired that she was out by 8PM. She stirred for about 10 minutes around 9, and so I decided to just go lay beside her. As a result of that, we both slept. I woke up this morning not recongizing this feeling, I guess you call it being well rested? The babe took a nap from 11:15AM-12:45PM so we'll see how the rest of the afternoon goes, and the night. I'm afraid to ask how long this will last. So I won't and I'm even more afraid to try and figure out what I did (if anything) for this to occur. So I won't.

Thankful.

forgot some stuff...

...old friends,
...being organized,
...staying organized,
...my mind,
...having plans.

But I am thankful for stuff too, especially after this evening, we had to take babe to the ER. She got bit by a large insect (wasp we think) and we were very scared, not knowing if she'd have a super severe reaction or not. Luckily, she did not and is now giggling happily on the bed, pointing to me, dad and herself and falling back in laughter as we assure her our names have not changed. This is what love is.

I miss stuff...

...my granny,
...family nights,
...walking my old neighborhood,
...knowing neighbors,
...my old grocery store,
...schedules,
...knowing and feeling certain about what I was doing,
...having people around me,
...good relationships,
...driving with the windows down,
...not being on pins and needles 24/7,
...feeling good about me.

Smoke stacks on isle 6

I wanted to make a pasta salad for dinner tonight. The heat and stress have just zapped my brain and tummy, so I thought a nice cool salad and tea would be great for dinner. Babe and I decided to go to Walmart with my bro to get the pasta I needed. We were on the pasta isle, six, when we started to smell cigarette smoke. I looked around and as neither my bro, nor I smoke, I tried to figure out where the smell was coming from. There was a little old man standing in front of the canned meats with a cigarette. Just puffing away. I gave babe to bro so she wouldn't have to be in the smokey cloud and told him to go find a manager and let them know this dude was smoking away on the pasta and canned meat isle.

I felt a little guilty at first, I don't know why, maybe its just he was old. But then I started to think about it, he shouldn't be smoking in the first place and second, it was a non-smoking space.

Smokey the bear was whispering to me that I did the right thing.

stressed out of me mind

I should go to bed now. should take a shower, rub my scalp with oil, and climb into bed with my HP book. But I'm not. Instead, I'm trying to google to find pics of how really REALLY bad the weather is in the new place we are moving. I'm trying oh so very hard to think of all the bad things that can happen when we move (car troubles, a non-sleeping babe, weather, illness, lost items, money troubles, work problems). I am also trying to make lists of the lists I need to make. I am also troubling myself with trying to prepare to teach a class that I know I can teach but have told myself will for some reason be oh so different from anything in the entire world.

Yes, I should force myself to go to bed because my anxiety's now have worries and nothing is helping. I think I have sat at this computer for too long, read far too many blogs, eaten too much ice cream and chocolate bar.

It also does not help that because last week my DH went up yonder to find us a home in the new west, babe and I had to stay with my parents (not too big on staying out in the country by our lonesome). So, that means babe is totally off her schedule. My parents spoiled her with toys, frozen fruit treats, and juice. She is still awake, normally we'd all be in the bed now. But we're just off. Off. Like Alice in Wonderland off.

Oh my god, I'm so stressed I'm out of my mind.

I am going to bed.

oh the Stress.

My husband says that he has ABMS. Asiatic Black Man Syndrome: Poor diet, High stress. He lists several men that have had or are coping with this disorder:

James Evans (Good Times)
Fiddler (Roots)
Kunta Kinte (Roots)
Martin Luther King Jr
My Uncle M.
My Uncle R.
Actually, all of my Uncles.
My father
My brother
My grandfathers (RIP)
Big Mike, actually any Man living with a Black Woman
Moses

I'm sure the list could go on.

oh. the move

We have found a place in new city up yonder. I am very nervous. I am making list upon list to try to organize myself and my family. I have books to read before classes start. I am nervous.

We were blessed to find a place that is furnished, so we don't have to move all of our things. We are blessed. I have to figure out what we are going to take and what we'll leave.

My mom is very sad, she will no doubt miss babe. Everyone is moving and changing, my bro got a new job, we'll now have two grandkids living out-of-state, another in the northern part of the state and another in the far southwest. For the first time in my life I'll be away from home. I'm not nearly as excited as I used to think I'd be. But I'm older now and I think that has something to do with it.

And today has been weird. Stayed up way too late reading Harry Potter and then got up around noon today. Stepped on my glasses and had to go over to the mall to order a new pair. I'll be walking around with my broken glasses con tape until the new ones come in.

I'm tired of sitting at this desk, reading, organizing, and trying to make things work.

I am starting to feel small again. Oh. so small.

this is what happens....

when you have no net access at home and then must cram all of them into one sitting while your bro watches your Babe.

Things a Babe can Do

Because I've not posted an updated list on things my Babe can do.....

1. Say dada to Dad and to me.
2. Dance.
3. Squat to pooh, still in the diaper, but I'm not wanting to introduce potty training just yet, she's only 14 months.
4. Sing (la la la is her favorite).
5. She realizes that the remote control controls the TV and likes to turn it off. We are very happy about this.
6. Kick the ball down the hall to her room.
7. Feed herself.
8. Wash her face.
9. Point to her toes and noes when asked where they are.
10. Put on her Dora shoes.
11. Identify Dora.
12. Run, well its more of a fast trot, but it can pass for running.
13. Give hugs when she first wakes up in the morning.
14. Negotiate not taking a nap, she does this by pulling out tons of toys and books so that it takes forever to clean up.
15. Sit on the porch stoop.
16. Walk up stairs with help.
17. Color, books and the floor are her favorite canvases.
18. Turn around in circles.

She never stops amazing me. I was just reading Dooce's post, on her daughter's developments at month 41. I used to read Dooce's postings before I had a Babe and it always made me want a babe. Now I have a Babe and I can understand why its so important to find a way to record all the things your babes do, because they do them so quickly and soon they become normal, just a part of your routine and then one day it catches you off guard, the fact that you don't have to carry them everywhere or that they can tell you when they are pooping and you wonder when it changed. Like I don't remember the exact day that Babe started to squat and rub her belly to let us know she'd taken a pooh. Or I don't remember exactly when she started to learn that she had control over things around her, could make her toys move, could make us laugh, could wave and get reactions from strangers. But sometimes I just watch and I'm amazed that she is really becoming her own person. Its really a beautiful thing to be a part of.

8 things

I saw this over at Tree's place and decided I wanted to give it a whirl:

I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
Each player
starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are
tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these
rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get
tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling
them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Random Fact 1: I am sometimes terrified to the point of covering my eyes when I go across bridges (not while driving of course).

Random Fact 2: I love office supply stores and catalogues. I am addicted to buying calendars and desk organizers.

Random Fact 3: I once read and researched so much about the Vietnam war that I camped out under a tree in mud to try and feel what it might have been like. Needless to say I could not recreate this and it troubled my mother.

Random Fact 4: I learned how to read when I was 4, my granny taught me.

Random Fact 5: I've never lived outside of Riva city and the tri-riva city area.

Random Fact 6: I once said I did not want to move to another city based solely on the fact that the city did not have a Chinese restaurant.

Random Fact 7: I was in labor with Babe for 14+ hours and towards the end was so spaced out from pain that I wanted to do my own c-section.

Random Fact 8: I am supposed to be moving in less than 4 weeks to a far away new city, state and have yet to pack a thing. Why? Because I am oh so very frightened.

Okie so who ever reads this should go next.

A Troubled Childhood

Conversation that took place before going to see Transformers Monday evening:

Me: So, like remind me of what the Transformers did again. I think I watched them as kids, but I'm not so sure I remember.

DH: They were robots, there were two groups, the autobots and the...

Me: Oh yeah, and they would all come together to form Voltron, right? I remember the song...

DH: No, you've got two cartoons confused. Voltron was a mixture of....

Me: No, I think you got it wrong, Voltron was when all the robots came together to have like super power.

DH: Uh, no.

Me: So they were like with the Thundercats?